Blog freewrite
By “AJ”
Dear babe,
I’m trying my best to forget about you. I just don’t understand why I can’t this time. I used to be strong but you made me weak. You just don’t understand what you do to me.
Before, the whole dating/love thing didn’t phase me, but when you came into the picture it all changed. Everything just changed. Before I could let go and I wouldn’t care, but now I can’t let go, I can’t move on, I can’t forget. I’m trying, but I can’t. No matter how hard I try, it hurts.
My heart keeps shattering and my tears keep falling. I try to be stronger for myself and its useless because I keep letting you back in my life. It’s like giving myself false hope, but every time you give me hope it fails because in the end we’re still JUST FRIENDS. Why do you do this to me?
I’ve tried to put my guard back up and but it’s pointless because it doesn’t stay up because of you. I try to ignore the phone calls and the text messages, but I CAN’T. I try to cheer up, I try to keep my mind off of it, off of us, off of what used to be, it’s pointless.
I still answer your phone calls and I always reply to your text messages, constantly fighting myself not to, knowing that my heart will just keep breaking. It doesn’t stop, it seems as if my heart will just be so broken, it’s beyond repair. Why do you keep doing this? You know us being together isn’t what you want, but you still call and text me, why?
What I’m going through right now drains me. It takes all my energy. You take all my energy. It’s something I can’t explain, and you won’t understand. I’m not the person I used to be. I’m letting you take my energy. I’m letting you drain all of me.
It’s killing me deep down inside. Why did I let myself fall back in love with you? Why did you make me fall back in love with you? WHY? They say love isn’t supposed to hurt. They don’t know. Love makes you pathetic. It makes you feel pathetic.
In the end, its still over. We’re just friends. My heart is shattering and my tears keep falling.
In 2006, over 25 youth began participating in weekly after-school writing workshops where they congregated in the hallway of a two-story building in West Fresno and learned the essentials of creating media and telling their stories. The group evolved over the next five years and is now proudly recognized as The kNOw Youth Media.
Through our program, we create opportunities for our youth participants, who in turn create long-term positive change in their communities. Our approach weaves youth development and youth media innovation to produce our biannual youth publication, multimedia projects, and community forums.
The kNOw began as a project of New America Media, which was the country’s first and largest national collaboration and advocate of 2000 ethnic news organizations. In 2018 The kNOw became a project of Youth Leadership Institute.
