When I think no one is looking, I make faces that I think will be attractive to a guy. I remember one time, when I was walking by this office, and I guess one of the windows happened to be a two-way mirror, I stopped to make the face I wanted this boy at school to see. Then suddenly this guy came out of the office and asked me to get away from the window because I was going to fog it up and the maintenance man just came and did the windows. Now I only do these faces in restroom mirrors.
When I’m at home, I always listen to Korean music. Like one time, I took a shower and sang. I just sang whatever came to my mind. It gets really boring, so I sing. Another time, when I was in my backyard, I started to dance and sing at the same time. I sometimes fight by myself too. Once I was in my backyard and since I do karate, I closed my eyes and visualized that I was hitting dummies. So I started throwing punches and kicking, and it looked like I was fighting invisible people or something.
When I’m completely alone, I have to make sure that no one is around me. I double check and triple check before I perform my happy dance. Although I don’t mind if people witness this performance, I just don’t feel comfortable when there are many people watching.
Often times, if I have a wedgie and I can’t stand it anymore, I make sure that no one is looking before I pick it and a lot of times I get caught by my family, which is really embarrassing since they tease me about it later. So the most private time I have is when I am taking a shower and I can dance and sing and be as crazy as I want without anyone judging me. My imagination wanders while I’m in the shower. It is never limited and it’s the space I feel most comfortable in.
Daydreaming is something that keeps me occupied. I make up my own life in my head and sometimes I talk to myself or partially act out what I’m thinking about. Like one day while I was at home, I was thinking of how great it would be to be a professional soccer player and what I would probably have to face to achieve it.
It started out by me thinking about it, then I actually went to my backyard and pretended I was in a big game in the championship league final and it was up to me to score the winning goal. I replayed the options of how I would score, how I would celebrate, and I even pretended that I was talking to the press afterward. I practically acted out everything! But the worse part was that one day, I was at soccer practice, and I pretended to act these things out. Some of my teammates saw me, and since then, they tease me about it.
Music blasting as my hips start shaking. No one is home. Just the dogs and me. I start cooking food so that my love will have something to eat when she gets home. Spot starts howling and Killer begins to dance on his back legs, as if I were telling him to jump for a treat. It’s about noon, when suddenly I hear a knock on the door. Jega barks to let me know someone is at the door. Chuck runs with the three good legs he has and out of nowhere, starts barking.
I spill my drink on my shirt and trip on Shadow, my black cat. I’m cussing up a storm because the drink was the hot coffee I had just made. I open the door and a girl wants to know if we sell drugs at the house. I flip out! How rude! Does this look like a pothead house?! I slam the door and walk to the kitchen to take my tortilla off the stove. I eat and start watching TV, “Meet The Browns,” funny show. It’s over and I start to clean up so the house will look nice when the in-laws get home. Take the trash out and as I try to get inside the house…my sweatpants fall down!!! How embarrassing!
Later on, before I go to a meeting, it happens again! We stopped by to see a house that was on the market and as I jumped from the porch to get to the backyard, it was even more embarrassing when my sweats fell down because the house in front had the front door wide open with a little girl in the front. At least I put on undershorts before I left the house (unlike the first time). What a day!
The things I do when I am alone are…I put music on so loud that I can’t hear anything and then I dance around the house. I make up dances that I wouldn’t dare do in front of people. I also sing and dance in the shower. Also, I like watching TV shows where people use magic powers, like the show Charmed. So usually when I was alone, I would act like I had powers and that people were chasing after me for my powers and I use my powers to save myself.
When no one is watching, I can do many things and I wouldn’t care. When I am alone I have more confidence knowing that no one will critique me or remind me of how stupid or silly I look. No one will tell me how horrible I sound.
I sing in the shower because I know that the sound of the shower will drown me out. When I’m home alone, I sing my favorite songs with my loudest voice. But the minute I hear someone walk through the door, my face blushes and I get embarrassed.
Once when I was home alone, I was watching You Tube videos about dancing. I thought, why not dance? I got out of my chair and started dancing, specifically hardcore dancing and jerking. I accidentally skinned the back of my heel. I felt really, really stupid but luckily no one was around. I knew that no one except myself could laugh at what I did. It’s pretty amusing how comfortable I am with myself when I am alone.
My Secret Voice
After watching the complete season of Glee, I began to try new challenges. No one knows that I can sing because I don’t. Whenever I get the chance and no one is around me, I try to sing at different pitches. This is really new to me since I make weird noises ranging from a deep, low voice to a high, helium voice. Especially when I’m in the shower, where I let my emotions out. My goal is to find my voice whether it’s a pop rock voice or a heavy metal voice. None seem to work so far, and my voice keeps cracking. I try too hard anyways and I figure singing isn’t for me. This is why I only do it with weird noises when no one is around.
The only time I can be really silly is in the restroom. Many times actually, almost all the time, I look into the mirror and make faces. Also, I flex out and act like I’m really buff but truly I’m not. I always laugh at myself and criticize myself after I do that. Also, when I’m in the shower, I like to sing and dance, even though I don’t know how. Whenever I do that and someone walks into the bathroom (we have leave the door open because my mom doesn’t want to have mold), I stop and try to start a conversation. It’s funny since that happens a lot with sister because it’s usually her that walks in. It’s embarrassing but I still do that almost every time I’m in the shower. But I’m sure everyone does something silly like that. I do.
-Yee Leng, 16
More often than not, I dance in the shower. I know it can be dangerous, but that’s just one of the risks I take to enjoy myself. Even last night, I danced and danced until the water ran cold. A song got stuck in my head called “The Ultimate Showdown,” which is about what would happen if the world’s biggest heroes and villains fought each other. It’s a funny song, but to me, the beat is good to dance to. There were times when I almost fell, but was okay. My shower is my sanctuary, so I feel that’s one place I can dance, act silly, and not be judged. I think that everyone should take the time to do something they don’t usually do, ya know, just to break routine.